…which in the end makes me laugh.

Saturday night I am changing the sheets on my futon when suddenly I get two intense pops in the middle of my chest. Felt like a 2 x 4 snapped in half inside my chest. I was like ‘shit, this is it, heart attack!’ I coudn’t believe it. While I am not the most physically active person I am basically a healthy guy, I kayak, I run a couple of miles every other day in the winter, I tend to eat well. So I collapse onto my bed thinking something like ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, 35, thats it? What a gyp!’ no life flashing before my eyes or anything, I was just pissed. After a few minutes I realize ‘hey I’m not quite dead yet, what the hell is going on?’ So I gingerly get up and try walking around the room. Instant chest pain. So I collapse back onto the bed, befuddled.

I spend the next several days in various degrees of discomfort. I don’t tell anyone because I had sort of concluded I must have had a minor stroke or something and I am completely embarrased about it. But I am feeling otherwise healthy (no weakness, sweating, stomache problems, anything like that) so I’m still puzzled. What the hell is wrong?

Long story short, I talk to my friend Paul, turns out he had a very similar episode, went to the doctor, and was told people pull tendons in their chest all the time and confuse it with a heart condition. So here I am walking around wondering if I am about to keel over from a big heart attack and it turns out I have a tendon pull in my chest. Huge relief, let me tell you. Now I’m off to the store to get some Motrin.